14.02.1968 - 6.10.2009

Yesterday my uncle died.

Diagnosis: Acute Leukemia

He leaves two children behind, Jess (13) and Yves (11).

Have you ever had to say "Your dad has passed away two hours ago" to two kids who were coming home from school, laughing because they had a funny day?

It's not a good feeling.

I never really believed in god. It's just not something I can believe.

I know, many people are gonna hate me for saying this, but my uncle's death is enough proof for me.

If there really is a god, why would he want to make two innocent kids suffer?!

One of the religious people in my school said: "It might be kind of a test, something god needs them to go through. Because it's god's plan."

Yeah...what a shit-damnit-super-idiotic  wonderful plan.

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." 

                                                                                                                           Henry Nouwen

Are you ready fro *the* new life?

"Are you ready for marriage?" I asked my friend Ali. Me and my best friend Anne had lunch in a  bistro with him. We wanted to support him, since he was going to marry in a few days. He's a muslim and hasn't lived with a woman before. EVER.
He looked at me, puzzled. "Of course I'm ready", he hissed and put a napkin on his knees. "I already bought a second pillow!"
    Anne and I glanced at each other and bursted out laughing. We knew our friend had a very faint idea of how marriage really works and how it would be to share one's life with another person. He only thought about himself, typical for him.
    "Fatima is the the calm one in our relationship. I'm more like...the boss. She understands. We agreed on that." Ali exclaimed.
"None of us three is the calm one in our relationships" added Anne. "We're always the bad ones. But that doesn't matter. Things could change you know, Ali...."
    "Yeah," I added. "You could already throw away all your CD's , for example. Cause your fiancée will probably think that they're appalling."
"And you should always, at any rate, have a phone, a phone card or a lot of chump change with you so you can call her wherever you are!" said Anne.
    "And instead of listening to music while falling asleep, you're gonna hear soft waves or jungle sounds instead" I quipped.  "Women need that. I, for example, like the sound of the fan."
"Oooh yeah," said Anne, "I have the waves-cd. And you won't go to an after-work party again. The alternative is: Dinner at home."
    I nodded. "And once you're home from work you'll have to ask her if you wanna go out again."
"EXCEPT" chipped Anne in, "when she sends you to the grocery store."
    "Except she sends you to the grocery store." I agreed.
"And don't fool yourself with the mail. You'll never have it in your hands first EVER AGAIN." said Anne. "Your mail will always be checked, until the day you die."
    "And after your wedding you'll never be as happy at home as you were before. You'll like your office way more." said Anne.
"Exactly," I said, "and if she laughed about your jokes until now, she faked it." I warned him.
    "And if you've told a story once, you shouldn't tell it a second or third time," Anna explained, "cause with every repitition she'll hate you a little bit more."
"In two years she won't be bound to have sex with you anymore" I claimed. "But if you're a lucky one, and she still wants to, then you should be very, very thankful."
    "And try not to say things like 'Yes, baby, do it...' or 'Give it to me, bitch' " Anna pleaded, "And on't wake her up in the middle of the night just because your....male sex drive is creeping over."

Ali looked at us for a while and tried to memorize what we said. I saw how he knit his brows and the corners of his mouth went...downwards. I already thought he'd start to cry and I kinda panicked. Did we exaggerate a little too much?  Had we been too honest? Did we shock him too much? Had we gone too far? Would he cancel the weding now? I looked at Anna and I knew she had the exact same thoughts.

What had we done?!?! We really were the bad ones!

    "Maybe you girls are right," Ali said, " Maybe I'm not ready for marriage yet. How could I've been so stupid? What did I think?! I must've gone nuts!"

Anna and I didn't know what to say. We were just sitting there, a bit freake out. Our mouths were half open and we were ready to protest. WHAT HAD WE DONE?!?!

    "I admit it, I don't have a second pillow! I admit it!" Ali explained and stamped his foot. Then he looked at us and smiled wickedly.

I love my friends  :-)

UPDATE: When I started writing this post my life was still normal. Barely did I know that it would change so soon! My boyfriend proposed! I'm officially engaged!

Can you see the irony here? ;-)

I'm not "the wife", fucker!

I've known my boyfriend for 4 years now. And we're a couple since 98 days. I love him more than I can express. Sure, sometimes we have our arguments, but one of us always gives in (mostly it's him. I'm just too stubborn).
Sexy M is legally still married to his soon-to-be ex-wife, I lovingly call her Slutty-elle. But 6 months ago he filed for divorce (BEFORE he and I got together! I'm not a homewrecker, OK?) and today he finally signed the...hmmmm, how's that called....a divorce contract? Divorce papers? Anyways, he signed them. That's all that matters for me. Now I'm just hoping that Slutty-elle will sign it fast, too.
But that is not what really bothers me. We went to a restaurant for lunch today. It's a really good one ( you know, where you have to behave properly and so on...). The waiter was pretty cold and reserved and I got the feeling as if he'd want to kick me us out. He didn't deign looking at me for one second. He chose to only talk to sexy M (who's always being well mannered and so on. Ugh.).
"Have you and your wife already decided?"  he asked sexy M. I totally felt left out. I wanted to tell him that I wouldn't mind being looked at AND that I'm not the wife. Since when do you have to be married to go to a good restaurant, huh? HUH?
Ok, maybe I overreacted a little. I blame it on PMS.
Though, in the end the waiter made a really nice compliment (Of course he didn't say it to me directly, that bastard).
"You have a really lovely wife, sir!"  he said with a, in my opinion stupid, grin on his face.
Sexy M smiled back and said: "Yeah, isn't it? She's awesome" 

This is what bothered me. He didn't correct the waiter, quite the contrary. I mean, I loooooove him, but I'm not sure if people should see me as his wife.

Is it stupid to be scared of that?

The Witchery Tour or how I got the idea of neutering/ castration

So, yesterday sexy M and I went to the famous Witchery Tour. 
Just a little explanation what exactly a Witchery Tour is: You’re led around the Old Town by a deceased tour guide who regales various ghoulish tales. On route you will meet "jumper-ooters" - costumed characters employed to appear at inopportune times in an attempt to surprise you.

The tour guide's name was "Adam Lyal" (picture on the left!). This person actually lived a few hundred years ago and he told us legends and stuff. It was pretty cool. We walked through the dark streets of the Old Town and I was pretty scared. I clinged to sexy M's arm (I'm pretty sure his arm was numb after the Tour was over) and every little noise made me jump.

The last story the tourguide told us was the story about William Wallace (you know, the Braveheart guy). Wallace was a scottish freedom fighter but was captured by the english soldiers. To make a long story short: he didn't want to pledge loyalty to the english king and they tortured him because of that. I don't remember everything in details, but I do remember one thing: they castrated him, chopped off his balls. Ouch.

On our way home, sexy M and I were both quiet. The whole torturing thing occupied our minds.
"Did you like the tour?" he asked me.
"Yeah...I did. You?" I answered hesitantly.
"Mmmmh-hmmm...yeah, it was pretty cool."
The rest of the ride neither of us said anything. At home sexy M made me a sandwich (oh yes, he does that sometimes. When I ask. But he always asks for a little...hmmm....reward. But I digress now.) and then we went to bed and watched tv. I know, some of you will think: 'What? A tv in the bedroom? Freaks!'. But I just can't sleep when it's all quiet. Deal with it.
Anyways, as we decided to be all classy and watch a documentary on the "Docu-Channel". And guess what the topic was... The topic was: 'Castration- voluntary or a must?' I, too, thought: What the fuck?!?!  But it was actually pretty interesting.
They addressed the question, wheter pedophiliacs shoud get castrated as a punishment or not.
I have to admit, that I can't answer this question for myself. I don't have children. I don't know how it must feel for a mother whose child was abused. I think I would feel hate. And I would want this person to pay for what he did. Sexy M agreed, but he also said that it would be quite an inhuman punishment.

Like I already said, I don't know what to think.
What about you? I'd be happy to get some opinions in the comments!

The battle's on....(My arm has a right to live!!!)

In about two weeks, nursery school's gonna restart.
Our school is pretty boring progressive. At least that's what I thought. I mean, we have really good teachers which we're allowed to address informally, they teach us the newest stuff. And well, it's just fun to be in school. But a few weeks ago I changed my mind a little. I met a woman from Texas (@fabmomtofour) on twitter. She is a registered nurse and I told her about how we excercise. And with excercise I mean giving shots, taking blood samples etc. It doesn't take long to explain that:

We exercise on each other.

The first thing we learned was to apply a substance intramuscular. So, we had to exercise in groups of two. The other person who was in my group is, may I say, not really talented. I won't engross further, I only say: IT HURT. He injected the damned needle over 3 times and he did it slowly. Idiot.
Anyways, I thought we were progressive. But @fabmomtofour told me that this was kinda barbaric (she didn't say barbaric but something like that. Just something negative, OK?!) Apparently where she went to school they have some kind of fake-robot-arms and stuff to exercise.
How cool! I wish our school had this too! It would mean waayyyyy less pain!

I couldn't stop thinking about this. So I wrote an email to the dean of the german speaking section of our school, Mrs. Piller. I asked her why WE didn't have those robot thingies since it would be better for us (and our arms and legs and fingers and....ahem.....yeah).

"They're too expensive!" was her answer.

I tried to find information about such robot-arm-thingies but couldn't find anything (if you know a website that contains information, feel free to contact me or leave a comment). Now, therefore I don't know how much such a 'robot' costs and I couldn't bring any arguments to convince Mrs. Piller.
It still bothers me. We have to pay a lot of money to attend this school. What the eff are they doing with it? I mean, they're not paying the teachers since they get their salary from the state. We have to pay the class books ourselves, we pay or own food....ect.
So....where does this money go? Where?

I will find out.
The battle is not over yet.

My bucket list

"It is important to have an aim in life!"

My great-grandma tells me this, everytime we see each other. She's 85 now and she is my idol. She is such an incredibly strong woman. She was born 1930. She's always been a pretty wild girl. She refused to marry and when she got pregnant (18 years old, still unmarried, wich was, as you can think, a SCANDAL!) her parents kicked her out.

She found herself a job in a factory. She raised my grandpa all by herself. Until this day, she has never been married. But she was together with a guy for over 50 years. She always believed in herself and she never cared what people said.

You might think otherwise, but for me she is a hero. I've always been scared of not finding a Mr. Right and that I'll never marry. But now I realized that my worries were of no avail. I mean, it would be really nice to get married and stuff, but it's not the end of the world if I don't.

My great-grandma has a wonderful life, she always had. And so will I. I believe in that.

I saw the movie 'The bucket list' and it made me think of my great-grandma. I decided to create my own list.

My bucket list

#1: Go to New York

I love this city. I've seen thousands of pictures and I'm amazed by them. I just love the skyline by night, all these wonderful lights and the Statue of Liberty. In my imagination, I walk through the streets at night and I listen to Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York" on my iPod. I know, it's cheesy, but it's my dream.

Have you guys seen the movie with Macaulay Culkin, where he's alone in New York? (I'm sorry, I don't know how the movie's called in english. But I guess you know which one I mean...) Anyways, I would also love to see that huge christmas tree in front of that Plaza Hotel....*sigh*

Oh, and let's not forget the naked cowboy! :)

#2: (In case I'll marry one day) I wanna have a huge, big-time wedding

Oh yeah folks, I'm one of those. Those girls who dream of a super-corny wedding. I'd love to have a wonderful white wedding dress, "Here comes the bride" when I'm walked down the aisle by my dad, white roses everywhere, white doves flying into the sky when the ceremony is over. Oh, and I want a big party, with a big band, a nice buffet and a delicious wedding cake.

.....Get the picture? ;)

#3: Become the best nurse ever

What can I say? I love to work in a team. I'm very social. But "nurse" is only the first base. My dream job is to become a midwife. For me, every baby is a little wonder, and I'd love to work with (future-) mom's and with babies.

#4: Have my own family

I hope I'll have my own family one day. I doubt I'll have more than two kids, but hey, never say never! I hope I will be able to have a career and children. I have nothing against stay-at-home-mom's. Far from it! I think this is a super hard job and I admire every woman who is raising her kids and stays at home. It's such a lot of work! But I also dislike the idea, that I have to study more than 4 years to get a Bachelor in nursing /science of nursery and then stay at home. Nuh-uh, I won't drag my ass to school every day for nothing.

Now to the less serious goals:

#5: Shopping without having to worry about being broke in the middle of the month

Once....just once in my life I want to go into the stores, grab the stuff I like and buy it. Without looking at the price tag. I always have this special problem: If I like something that would ACTUALLY FIT, it's too expensive or they don't have it in my size. And the stuff I could afford is....well....not exactly what I wanted.

Is there anyone else in the world with this problem?

#6: Go hiking in the scottish highlands

I guess that is easy to explain. The scottish highlands are wonderful. So peaceful. I've been in scotland several times, but I never went to a REAL hiking tour.

#7: Open an asylum for homeless cats

Oooooh yeeaah, maybe I'll end up as "the lady whose only friends are the cats" Thankfully I really like cats.

#8: Own a chocolate factory

I love chocolate. It makes me happy (and fat, but that's beside the point now...tsk.) when I'm feeling down. So, isn't it only natural that I wanna have my own chocolate factory? And, am I weird? ;)

And last but not least:

#9: Go as Marilyn Monroe to a costume party

Marilyn Monroe was an icon. My great-grandma thinks he boobs looked like melons.

Erm....ok. But one day someone will invite me to a costume party (PLEEEAAAASSSE, INVITE ME! ----> Talkin' about being desperate....) and then I'll wear this white dress she wore. And I'll try to stand somewhere where it's windy.... *sigh*

Nine goals, I think that's not bad. Yeah, some of them are pretty ridiculous, I know. But they're my future. Kind of.

My great-grandma loves my list. And I lover her for approving and being who she is.

Die meisten von uns träumen ein Leben lang vergeblich von jenen Dingen, die angeblich so erstrebenswert sein sollen: Luxus-Kreuzfahrten, Golfclub-Mitgliedschaften, Designer-Klamotten, Society-Partys. Geld selbst zu verdienen ist anstrengend, deshalb streben viele junge Frauen nach einer Eheschliessung mit einem möglichst solventen und prominenten Vertreter der Männerwelt, wie zum Beispiel....Dieter Bohlen. Der kann einer Frau ganz offensichtlich ein Leben im Luxus und –ganz wichtig- im Scheinwerferlicht der Öffentlichkeit ermöglichen. Mal abgesehen davon, dass ein Leben mit Dieter Bohlen vermutlich schmerzensgeldpflichtig ist, kann ich euch auch sonst beruhigen: Das tolle Leben ist nicht halb so toll wie man denkt!

1. Luxus-Kreuzfahrt. Ich hatte mal Gelegenheit, zwei Tage auf so einem Dampfer der Luxusklasse zu verbringen. Sieht aus wie ein riesiges Hotel, hat aber den Nachteil, dass man nicht auf die Strasse gehen kann. Selbst wenn ihr unter 30 seid, senkt ihr durch eure Anwesenheit den Altersdurchschnitt bestenfalls auf 82. Ihr müsst den lieben langen Tag essen, schliesslich war die Reise teuer genug und soll sich amortisieren. Wenn euch jemand ein Gespräch aufdrängt, ist es schwer, zu entkommen, ausser ihr springt über Bord. Und wenn ihr bei einem Zwischenstopp endlich Land erreicht habt, geht die Fahrt weiter, bevor ihr euch orientiert habt, wo ihr eigentlich seid. Empfehlenswert nur für Fusskranke und Leute, die endlich mal in Ruhe Dieter Bohlens Autobiographie lesen wollen. (Aber wer will das schon?) Genuss-Punkte: 2 von 10

2. Golfclub-Mitgliedschaft. Ich hab Golf noch nie gemocht. Es will mir einfach nicht in den Kopf, dass ein gemütlicher Spaziergang über einen gepflegten Rasen, unterbrochen durch gelegentliches Schwingen eines Schlägers, ernsthaft als Sport zählen soll. Es will mir weiterhin nicht in den Kopf, dass man für dieses Rentner-Vergnügen zehntausende von Franken im Jahr hinblättern muss, nur um nicht mit dem gemeinen Volk in Berührung zu kommen. Ich begreife nicht, wie man Abende lang über Golf reden kann. Und schliesslich finde ich es im höchsten Grade dekadent, dass die exklusiven Golf-Rasenplätze meist da zu finden sind, wo es das wenigste Wasser gibt – auf südlichen Inseln oder in Dritte-Welt-Ländern. Soll ich euch mal verraten wo man GARANTIERT tausendmal mehr Spass hat? Bei einer Partie Minigolf. Kein Witz. Kostet nur 25 .- Fr. für 4 Leute. Ihr spart also 9975.-Fr!
Genuss-Punkte: 1 von 10

3. Designer-Klamotten. Jetzt mal ganz im Ernst: Warum soll ich für ein Kleidungsstück das Zehnfache von dem ausgeben, was nötig ist? Nur, weil hinten im Kragen, übrigens für meine Mitmenschen unlesbar, der Name eines Edel-Labels steht? Bin ich bescheuert? Denn es ist ja nicht mal so, dass die teuren Fetzen besser verarbeitet wären, oh nein, die Knöpfe fallen genauso schnell ab wie bei der Billig-Klamotte, und unmodern sind sie nächstes Jahr auch. Wir kaufen mit einem Designerstück nicht die aussergewöhnliche Qualität, wir kaufen nur die Illusion von Exklusivität, das Gefühl, etwas Besonderes zu haben - und dadurch was Besonderes zu sein. Selbstbewusste und kluge Frauen haben das überhaupt nicht nötig. Die sehen toll aus in preiswerter Kleidung und legen das gesparte Geld für was Sinvolles an (Schuhe?....).
Genuss-Punkte: 3 von 10 (zugegeben: Manchmal ist der Stoff schön)

4. Society-Partys. Ein Volkshochschul-Dia-Vortrag über die Wunder der Serengeti mit anschliessender Diskussion ist unterhaltsamer als ein so genanntes Society-Event, wo tief dekolltierte Damen mit Schlauchboot-Lippen (natürlich sind die echt! Die Lippen erscheinen halt voller wenn man sich die Haare färbt!!!) und zu Geld gekommene Herren mit schütter werdendem Haar ihre Balzrituale vollziehen. Ein gewisses voyeuristisches Vergnügen räume ich ein, falls man das Glück hat, Zeuge von Entgleisungen (Schlägerei, hysterische Krise einer Schauspielerin, kopulierendes Paar auf dem Damenklo) zu werden. Passiert leider selten, und wenn, kriegt man's meistens doch nicht mit.
Genuss-Punkte: 2 von 10 (Essen und Trinken sind umsonst.)

5. Licht der Öffentlichkeit. Ist schon komisch: Erst wollen die Leute alle berühmt werden, und wenn sie's endlich sind, beklagen sie sich, dass sie nicht mehr im Schlafanzug die Zeitung holen können, weil Papparazzi ihre Villa belagern. Aber wehe, das Licht der Öffentlichkeit droht zu verblassen, dann rufen die Promis schnell bei einer Zeitung an und laden die Paparazzi zu sich nach Hause ein. Genuss-Punkte: 1, wenn man drin steht, 10, wenn man nicht drin steht. (Erstrebenswert ist eben nur, was man nicht hat.)

Mein Rat: Geniesst euer Leben und seid froh, dass ihr nicht mit Dieter Bohlen verheiratet seid!