Saturday, September 26, 2009

Are you ready fro *the* new life?

"Are you ready for marriage?" I asked my friend Ali. Me and my best friend Anne had lunch in a  bistro with him. We wanted to support him, since he was going to marry in a few days. He's a muslim and hasn't lived with a woman before. EVER.
He looked at me, puzzled. "Of course I'm ready", he hissed and put a napkin on his knees. "I already bought a second pillow!"
    Anne and I glanced at each other and bursted out laughing. We knew our friend had a very faint idea of how marriage really works and how it would be to share one's life with another person. He only thought about himself, typical for him.
    "Fatima is the the calm one in our relationship. I'm more like...the boss. She understands. We agreed on that." Ali exclaimed.
"None of us three is the calm one in our relationships" added Anne. "We're always the bad ones. But that doesn't matter. Things could change you know, Ali...."
    "Yeah," I added. "You could already throw away all your CD's , for example. Cause your fiancée will probably think that they're appalling."
"And you should always, at any rate, have a phone, a phone card or a lot of chump change with you so you can call her wherever you are!" said Anne.
    "And instead of listening to music while falling asleep, you're gonna hear soft waves or jungle sounds instead" I quipped.  "Women need that. I, for example, like the sound of the fan."
"Oooh yeah," said Anne, "I have the waves-cd. And you won't go to an after-work party again. The alternative is: Dinner at home."
    I nodded. "And once you're home from work you'll have to ask her if you wanna go out again."
"EXCEPT" chipped Anne in, "when she sends you to the grocery store."
    "Except she sends you to the grocery store." I agreed.
"And don't fool yourself with the mail. You'll never have it in your hands first EVER AGAIN." said Anne. "Your mail will always be checked, until the day you die."
    "And after your wedding you'll never be as happy at home as you were before. You'll like your office way more." said Anne.
"Exactly," I said, "and if she laughed about your jokes until now, she faked it." I warned him.
    "And if you've told a story once, you shouldn't tell it a second or third time," Anna explained, "cause with every repitition she'll hate you a little bit more."
"In two years she won't be bound to have sex with you anymore" I claimed. "But if you're a lucky one, and she still wants to, then you should be very, very thankful."
    "And try not to say things like 'Yes, baby, do it...' or 'Give it to me, bitch' " Anna pleaded, "And on't wake her up in the middle of the night just because your....male sex drive is creeping over."

Ali looked at us for a while and tried to memorize what we said. I saw how he knit his brows and the corners of his mouth went...downwards. I already thought he'd start to cry and I kinda panicked. Did we exaggerate a little too much?  Had we been too honest? Did we shock him too much? Had we gone too far? Would he cancel the weding now? I looked at Anna and I knew she had the exact same thoughts.
What had we done?!?! We really were the bad ones!
    "Maybe you girls are right," Ali said, " Maybe I'm not ready for marriage yet. How could I've been so stupid? What did I think?! I must've gone nuts!"
Anna and I didn't know what to say. We were just sitting there, a bit freake out. Our mouths were half open and we were ready to protest. WHAT HAD WE DONE?!?!

    "I admit it, I don't have a second pillow! I admit it!" Ali explained and stamped his foot. Then he looked at us and smiled wickedly.
I love my friends  :-)

UPDATE: When I started writing this post my life was still normal. Barely did I know that it would change so soon! My boyfriend proposed! I'm officially engaged!
Can you see the irony here? ;-)

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